Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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