We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
