It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
