Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
