Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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