He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
