im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
