Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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