pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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