Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
