I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
