Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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