No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
