Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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