Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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