I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
