Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize