we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
