I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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