I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
