Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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