just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
