why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sext me about skeletons
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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