my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
