so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
