I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
