mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
