a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
