I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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