I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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