i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize