Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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