Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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