I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
