We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
