Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
