u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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