Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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