so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
