He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
