Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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