My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
