Got a toothbrush?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
