You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
