Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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