I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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