i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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