DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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