I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize