I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
