The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
