So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I did not marry a roomba.
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