So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
