she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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