also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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