Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
