And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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