I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
