We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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