somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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