when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
