Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
