Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize