it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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