Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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