yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
