I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
